Touch and Empowerment

Values As The Bottom Line: The Art of Teaching Everyday Warriors

Touch and Empowerment

Jill Baker Shames, El HaLev, Israel

This is for the many martial arts instructors I have worked with who place VALUES EDUCATION at the top of their teaching agendas. Because of my work at El HaLev, many of you have asked me for tips on how to incorporate empowerment, especially women's empowerment, into your curricula.

Want to start changing someone’s life in less than 10 seconds? Try this.

Let's say,  assuming you have already developed enough gender/body type sensitivity NOT to always choose the biggest bruiser in your class, that you choose a young lady or woman in your class as your partner to help you demonstrate a wrist grab, shoulder grab, bear hug, shirt grab, arm bar, etc. 

What would happen if before you touch her… you ASKED HER FOR PERMISSION? That’s right. I said “ASK”, as in “May I…?”

Surprised? She probably will be too. And possibly a little uncomfortable, given that it is unlikely that anyone in this youngster’s/woman’s life has ever asked her for permission to touch her--- not her parents, not her doctor, not her boyfriend, not even her female friends.

And when you see that mystified look in her eyes, or in the faces of her classmates, that’s when you get that incredible teaching moment: “Susan /Desiree/Mei Li, your body belongs to you. You have the right to decide who touches you, when and how. No one, not even Sensei/Master/Sifu gets to touch you if you don’t want him/her to. May I?”

If she tests you by saying “no”, just bow (or do whatever you do for courtesy) and find another demonstration partner. But don’t worry; she will almost always will say “yes”… with a smile (and an eye roll if she’s between the ages of 11-15). And then everything goes according to the usual script… except  for one thing. You have planted a seed.

I know some of you are saying that that is not how things are done in the martial arts. That is not what your teacher did with you (big surprise!) and, heck, that is certainly not how an assault happens.

Right. That is the point. This is not an assault. This is an exercise. You are teaching this student and everyone within earshot that one of the discernible signs of an impending assault is the sense that the person you are dealing with has no respect for your boundaries. 

You have given this student the power to say “No” even to you, a "superpower" in day-to-day life more powerful than any punch, kick or choke they will ever learn. 

And in helping them find their boundaries and defend them, you are also giving your students the ability to say “Yes!” with a whole heart and a composed mind.

So if you really want to" touch" your students in a way that could make a real difference in their lives, then, to quote the 90’s country phenomenon Shania Twain:

If you wanna touch her
Really wanna touch her
If you wanna touch her, ask!

Now, make it a habit.

*By the way, this works just as well on male students. It teaches both male and female students an important lesson about the limits of authority: theirs and those of everyone else in their lives.